Sadly, when couples reach a point where they can no longer communicate with one another and all roads to reconciliation are closed, they tend to believe it is the end, when in fact, in most cases it is very likely a grounds for a breakthrough, and not only save their marriage, but grow together, gain stronger faith in one another and confidence in the relationship.
Coming out of such a situation in one piece will not only strengthen your relationship but the passion will be so much stronger. Passion and love are mostly based on trust and grounds of safety, and with both having the confidence and the ability to deal with issues as they come up, you can’t even begin the imagine what your relationship can reach in terms of love and affection for one another.
So, what are things you could do when facing a situation? Here are a few thoughts for your consideration:
1- Calm down, don’t rush in making decisions. One of the most important things it to do is to remind yourself constantly, that in a situation like this, you may not be thinking clearly, and rushing to any decision may not be a wise thing to do. Try to find avenues to relax, spend some time reflecting, this could either be through mediation, a relaxing hobby like fishing, a sport, or even reading a novel (make sure it isn’t related to anything negative about relationships, that’s the last thing you need).
2- Focus 80% of your energy on the solution and 20% of the problem. This really applies to anything in life, if you focus on the problem, then all you’ll be able to see is the problem, and your mind will be limited in what options it can give you. However when you see a solution in your mind while acknowledging the problem, your mind is much more useful in helping you out.
3- If your spouse isn’t cooperating, it doesn’t mean that’s it. Sometimes your spouse might have been harboring long term resentment that keeps on getting fueled by certain actions you might be completely unaware of. The key is to be patient, because it is possible to reverse the situation, as things do come through but a bit slower than expected, because your spouse needs to feel that the new you is for real, and not some temporary fix.
4- Look inside yourself. It is normal to be selfish in certain matters, but often our selfishness affects our spouse. Most times we can’t see it as emotionally draining for our partner in marriage, so we really need to reflect, ask ourselves questions, maybe we are doing something our partner has complained numerous occasions but we just failed to see it, because we were so in tuned with ourselves. The key is to identify it, and if you find yourself saying: “but I have a right to do so” or “they get to do the things they like and I don’t say anything about it” then you are asking the wrong questions. The right questions always replace “me” with “we”, when you see things from a married couple’s perspective instead of your own, everything changes. And don’t worry, your spouse is likely to meet you half way once they see a shift in you and new hope.
The best action to take, is all possible actions, not one of two, because you never know what could work for you. Also watch for what is working and what isn’t, and make sure you are doing more of what works. With the right intentions and a bit of courage, you and your spouse will get through this difficulty and experience the warmth of the sun on the bright side.
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